Babies

I think it's about time I talk about my little obsession. Here goes...

I love babies. It's pretty obvious if you hang out with me enough. I fucking LOVE babies. I will often joke about stealing them, but seeing as how I will never do that to a poor baby, I feel it is appropriate to talk about it. They are perfect little balls of dough, I just wanna bite 'em . . . but I won't. My obsession, in no way, means that I am ready for a baby or want one of my own at this time in my life. Just means I love them, love playing with them, love looking at them.

I don't love all babies, however. You might not like me after this, but oh well . . . I don't like newborns. They're all scrunchy looking and smelly. Yes, smelly. They might smell nice from Johnson & Johnson's Baby Lotion, but only for about fifteen minutes. They're also boring. They don't know how to do anything and they cry for reasons unknown. My favorite kinds of babies are the ones around eight months-old and up. Of course, some toddlers I don't particularly like, but I like them the majority of the time. Eight-ish month-old babies are the best! They're plump and adorable. They can move, make cute noises and they stay smelling like baby lotion for hours. I just love them. I love babies! . . . Well, except for newborns.

Let's review: I love babies. I do not like newborns (there are occasional exceptions). I do not want my own baby at this point in my life, no matter how crazy you think I get around babies. I will not steal anybody's babies, but I will stare at it in awe from a distance (unless you allow me to hold it).

I'll babysit,
Salena

p.s. this should be read in the least creepy tone you can use. Also, I kinda actually like newborns. They're pretty peaceful. When they sleeping. And when they don't smell like poo. Or puke. Ok, I take it back, I don't like them . . .